I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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