Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
