dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
