My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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