Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Randomize
