I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
