i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
