I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
