the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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