I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
