areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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