I'm lost and stupid without you.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
