if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My bed smells like the plague
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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