you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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