i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
