He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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