Sober January is a disaster.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
