He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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