just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
did you just send me my own nude
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
