dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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