I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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