I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Randomize
