I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just had sex bonerless
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize