I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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