One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just want nice things and good sex
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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