break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
