I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
