The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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