We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
