What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All the doctor said was why
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
