ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the condom got lost in my hair
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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