We won't sleep together?
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Im part way to drunk.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
