just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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