who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize