walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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