I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
