The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i dont even know how to be here
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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