when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
