butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
