I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize