they need to just BURY HIM!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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