and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
