omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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