were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
