wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
