So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
