I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
