God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I need moral support for this bender
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize