she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
