This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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