I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize