She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
