I wish they made helmets for livers.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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