Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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