Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
