He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
