Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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