I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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