I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
