I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
