It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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