i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize