I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
