I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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