talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
