you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
