Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So many bounce houses so little time
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
