Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
