When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize