I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
