She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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