Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
