i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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