Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
