Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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