I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
