i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
