Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
