my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
