i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
