you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
