brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
