My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
