Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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