I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
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