We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
