That's intense
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
