I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize