my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
