Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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