She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
