I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have post one night stand depression
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
