I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
